Come and Go

// April 2nd, 2010 // Just Thoughts, Life

Have you ever stuck in one place and wish that you will find a way to get out of that place and reach the stars again? Feels like that you tried your every best for it but still no hope at all. Well, I’m kinda in that place right now. People says that there will always be the white and the black, the top and the bottom. I should admit that being in the top can be really spoiling.

All the things that I’ve been working for the past five months was worth it. In the beginning I achieved more than I expected. After a while, I got a bit spoiled and I guess here comes the opposite part of it. I’m no longer sitting at the top of my life circle (for now). And it hurts my pride as an independent woman sometimes. I don’t like the feeling. But the more I fight it, the worse it get into me. How come sitting at the bottom of your life circle can be very painful?

The 24 hours a day make me feel so limited. Living with my fiance gave me more challenge to organize my schedule even better, I’m still trying to figure that out. After all, this is the first time I completely have to live my life on my own (plus with my fiance). It’s probably a bit late, but I now realize how hard it is to be (future) wife. There’s so many things that the woman in a family has to do. From cooking to cleaning. From folding clothes that has been thrown around the house to remembering important things. I personally think this is a new life experience before I get married next year. Though the part that I’m a bit abandoning my design work really feels like it stabbed me right in my heart. How do the great women organize themselves? Managed to get everythings done? And become successful on what they do along the way?

Now that I think about this, I wonder where my life will take me next? To the top again, where I can feel more secure and happy. Or stuck in the bottom where I mostly feel depressed about it. I really wish I can be a little bit near the top. And I’ll keep trying my best on what I do. Not trying to be a super woman, but at least I can be like some woman. :)

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